I finally found small organic pickling cucumbers, and have just made up three quarts of what I hope will turn into garlic half-sours, the crunchy kind: kosher salt, garlic cloves, black peppercorns, coriander seed, mustard seed, bay leaf, fresh sprigs of dill.
It was one of those days in which I had to think about things for which I have no aptitude---beaurocracies, arrangements, business.
At last I am returning to the material for next weekend, which I am due to lead at The Abode of the Message, a Sufi retreat center in New York State...that is, if enough people register. So far, it is too thin: I can't make an exciting weekend for two people.
Funny...for years, from my late twenties until I began to work together with my beloved in my late thirties, I had taught both intensive weekends and ongoing series' of classes. If this one doesn't come through, I will take that as a message that perhaps I need to do other things for now.
It is strange to realize that when Zalman was the age I am now, he had begun formulating the ideas that became the Spiritual Eldering work, which has now been taken up and modified and continued by others. I feel so not-as-sage and not-as-wise as he presented at the same age.
(Could it be the lack of a beard?)
I also feel that the trajectory of my life as it continues to unfold may not quite fit the paradigm he perceived or designed at that time, rolling along in seven-year phases. Maybe the rhythm is different for women? Maybe it is different for those who have birthed and raised children from those who have not?
Or maybe I am simply being carried by the Hebrew calendar: on Tuesday starts the month of Elul, the month of introspection and taking stock as we draw closer to the High Holy Days and the new year.
In that light, if I have in any way distressed or offended any of you who have accompanied and supported me such a long way, please let me know so I can make it right.
Sweet dreams, everybody. Blessed eclipse tomorrow, when we get to glimpse how things really work.