Today has been a catch-up-with-everything day: email, petitions, unread email from last week---and cleaning up after one very very sick cat.
Several times today, she came and curled up next to me.
She feels very tired, and very unhappy.
But she is still not exhibiting the behavior that the vet said would signal her desire to go.
I wish I could be sure what she wanted; I cannot kill my cat because I am suffering.
Meanwhile, I have actually begun to plan the weekend at The Abode of the Message, and hope to speak with the organizer tomorrow. I have called it "The World of Kabbalah from the Inside", and plan to do a lot of exploration through the Imagery work, revisiting how we are inhabiting the Four Worlds and the Ten S'phirot in our daily lives.
I am discovering that my teaching-workshop muscles are stiff: during the last years of my beloved's life, the best part of my energy was really invested in keeping him alive and as well as possible, keeping the household running while it was still being visited by many every day, and trying to navigate a balance whereby he could continue doing the work he felt was important without burning out.
My own work went on a back burner, and eventually dwindled to almost nothing.
I feel like now I am trying to reignite it with flint and tinder.
What still has spark, and wants to be blown into flame, is the deep work with imagery, as it evolved from my years learning with Mme. Colette. I am praying for clarity, energy and inspiration.
Right now, what I have is equal parts of incipient excitement and trepidation.
Time to go upstairs and dream.