Journal entry by Eve Ilsen — 21 minutes ago
I really rested.
I really needed it.
I even napped.
Much of the rest of the time, I sat and read, with Mishka purring on my lap.
I have been thinking of the mother of a close friend, who has just died after a vivid life.
How do we love and grieve and honor, all at once? What do we do to keep some important piece of one we have loved still alive in the world? And of course no love is unalloyed: each one of our loved ones has had flaws and blind spots, lacks and crazy-making habits of being---just as surely we do ourselves. Their imperfection does not diminish the grief we feel when they are at last lost to us.
My beloved hooked me good, at the beginning, by dangling the invitation to work creatively together: duet.
Once he got me, he withdrew the invitation. I was so busy creating a household that I did not even notice until it was too late. Though I was saddened, angered and disappointed, I discovered that none of that diminished my love for him.
I still miss my beloved every day.
I still wish him a splediferous afterlife.
I still think the Ribono shel Olam sure set up a wildly challenging world for us to navigate.
I think I may need some hot chocolate before going to sleep.