-->of the new year.
The last two+ days have been in an altered state, celebrating the beginning of a new year on the Hebrew liturgical calendar. It is always a time for introspection and evaluation. It is rich and full, and hardly ever comfortable. Of apologies I owe, some can be delivered. Some are to people who are gone from this world. Then there are those to people who are still living; but contacting them would be ill-considered and inadvisable. Somehow, email does not seem to be the appropriate vehicle for carrying any of these messages. Pen and paper and envelopes and stamps might do it.
As for the ones who are no longer in this world---perhaps pen and paper; and then outside, in a metal vessel, a flame...
These are the ceremonies for which I can be the ritual-master for others.
But who can stand by and hold the space for me?
Oh, when my mother was alive, she could; and so could my beloved.
But they are two of the people to whom I wish I could send my love and my boundless appreciation; and my bottomless sorrow at the times I feel I may have failed them.
The terribly sharp edges of those sorrows have worn down some over the years; but much remains.
Still, I believe that some of the job of these days until Yom Kippur is to repair what still can be repaired
---and that always involves the living.
Those other sorrows...I can only deal with them inside me.
I wish us all a sweet and fruitful year, filled with kindness both received and bestowed.