I've been having trouble logging onto squarespace; sorry!
You can check out the missed entries on CaringBridge.
Meanwhile, this is tonight's:
I have just returned from a remarkable Shabbaton on the topic of compassion, taught/led by Rabbi Tirzah Firestone. I won't even try to describe it until it finishes, tomorrow; and I might not even succeed then.
My own question seems to be how to not allow compassion to cloud clear perception, and how to keep clear perception from cutting off compassion.
As I drove home I was revisiting the times that my own impatience or frustration or feeling of being overwhelmed overrrode my sense of compassion, and rendered my behavior harsh, insensitive or ungenerous. And of course who would bear the brunt of this but the ones I loved most: my mother, while she lived with us; my beloved. On-and-off resident/visitor Yotam.
Future behavior might be corrected; the past cannot. I can beg forgiveness, and hope the messages arrive. I can pray for responses; but for that I do not hold out much hope. (Secretly, I wish...)
These are all thoughts and feelings that pile on at the end of the week of Gevurah: rigor.
I pray for better and more heartful balance during this week that has just begun, Tiferet: beauty/grace/balance.