I knew I had invited a young woman to tea, but did not expect our visit to be so long and full, stretching through lunch.
This was a courageous and complex young woman, navigating change of country and change of culture. I learned a lot from listening. The best gift for her, I imagine, was spending some time sitting in my beloved's davvenen room.
I feel a change of energy in Bracha the cat. She seems more tired, more quiet---even though she can still leap to the kitchen counter where the catfood bowls live, and to the kitchen island where another cat-basket sits---and where she begs for the food that she can no longer digest well.
The weeks are getting fuller...the leisure of summer is morphing into that period before the High Holy Days when all the unfinished business, put aside for When There's More Time, stands up and demands its due.
Why would I have a backlog of unfinished business? My time is mostly my own.
I am reading among past pages of CaringBridge, putting tabs of different colors by segments I think might interest others in a book. I am taken back to earlier stages of this journey, and seeing that grief is deep and persistent---and that life goes on at the same time. The young woman who visited today---my beloved would have had so much more wisdom to give her than I did.
The terrible events in Charlottesville and in the country as a whole---I try to imagine what wisdom he would have brought to bear on events that I find so frightening and unbelievable that I have been bursting into tears throughout the day. (As well as writing to congressmen, signing petitions, etc.) I wonder what else may be happening in the world that I have not yet heard about but that is nevertheless bringing on bouts of tears.
I think I must say good night, and go off, blubbering, in search of the tissues or a hanky.
I pray for dreams that will help---