Part of the day was usual daily busy-ness: watering plants, feeding cats, cleaning poop and kitty litter, shopping for veggies and more kitty litter, answering email, writing to/calling congressmen.
Part of the day was for appreciating beauty: walking around Viele Lake and greeting folks' dogs and the geese, particularly the two goose families that have goslings this year.
A treat, a beautiful nugget of the day, was a long phone visit with my daughter-in-law Shoshana.
Another treat: I did NOT listen to the news.
I called one of my oldest friends in Philadelphia.
I visited on one leg with a new friend and housemate: thank G-d for friendships.
Finally, a good part of the later day was continuing to go through the earlier writings, both mine and yours, affixing colored sticky-tabs to designate various grades of probable inclusion in a book.
Now, at the end of the day, I am left with such an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the heart and the kindness and the support I have received from so many of you who have been reading these entries for three years now. I return to read what I have written, and especially to read what you have written.
You have supported, encouraged, acknowledged, empathized, shared, given of yourselves and been a true and real presence for me during all the ups and downs of this period.
I am so very touched and grateful.
I can sense that I am entering a new period, and I do not know what it will hold.
I am sturdier in general, though there are still places where I am fragile.
I imagine I can sense Zalman relieved each time I succeed in letting go of him a little more.
I still need to figure out the books in the basement and his davvenen room, which still holds the felt sense of his deep daily prayer and learning there (and also his bong and herbs;) to identify which books I might (with serious effort) eventually be able to learn from.
(Very shortly after we came together, the time I expected to be learning with him, or at least breaking another level of "the sefer barrier", turned into time I spent keeping him together in one piece. His body had undergone hardships I had never known, very young; they left traces and vulnerabilities.)
I am older now than he was when we first came together; that certainly gives me pause.
Since he has gone, his youngest sons Barya and Yotam have married.
Barya and Ahava have a new baby.
More souls are on the way.
I hear my beloved's voice saying, as he often did, "Hartzeleh, sorg sach nisht...s'vet sein gut."