Poor Bracha the Cat really does not feel well.
Nothing digests well.
She is stretched out napping on the towel on the heating pad on the small sofa next to me.
For the past few nights, Mazal has not come up to sleep in the bedroom. This is a first. She is curled up on Zalmans recliner chair napping. She is the cat who first kept my mum company when she was ill, then hung out near Zalman. I wonder if she isn't staying down here nights now so that her co-cat Bracha should not be alone when she feels so bad. It is a remarkable and humbling thing, the compassion of animals.
A lovely woman will be staying in the house while I am traveling next week. I hope the company of a sick cat will not be too hard on her.
I am listening, listening for what wants to be taught this year as we open to receive Torah.
I automatically veer towards thoughts of what we must do...There seems to be so much dissonance and fear in the air, and DOING in response to all of that has been eating up a great portion of my time and my attention these last months.
Now I begin to turn my thoughts towards the preparing to receive.
That is quite distinct from the doing state.
We are told that the message is perpetually coming to us from Sinai; but if I am busy worrying or doing, how would I know? How could I hear?
Our response to receiving Torah was נעשה ונשמע: we will do and we will hear.
I've been doing plenty of doings these last months.
Now I hear that my job for this last week of the Omer is to leave off the doing, and instead to hear: to attune myself to listen. That means staying off the computer, and instead taking walks in the Open Space for long enough to quiet my mind and hear the birds.
I will have to trust that the Ribono shel Olam will share my portion around to others for the time being, and take care of this world even without my worry-work (making donations, writing letters, calling congressmen, signing petitions.) I will say an extra "Ana b'koach" and leave it in His hands.
(I can see myself turning to look over my shoulder to be sure.)
"Hartzeleh," I can hear my beloved say, "s'vet sein gut; der Ribono shel Olam vet helfen."
(It will be all right; G-d will help.)
Clearly that's what it will take.