There's been lots of snow; and today it melted.
I am delighted to discover that the starts recently planted in the garden all seem to have survived; and the two I got at last week's Farmer's Market and kept inside during the snow seem happy to be out and in the earth. Birds and squirrels are back. We had both rain and sun. All is well.
I spent a good part of the day thinking about what I will teach back East during the Shavuot retreat; part of the day avoiding it and taking care of other details; and part of the day reading fiction to unwind. I am remembering the first year I was living in Jerusalem at Shavuot, and a gathering of people by lantern light in one of those old dwellings with not one crisp right angle, seating shelves built into the walls, reading through the whole chumash by the first and last sentences of each chapter. And enough of them had been learning for enough years that their minds filled in the detail in between.
I feel the shape of my insides changing, and wonder how that will affect my teaching this year.
I can hear the voice of my beloved saying "Hartzeleh, it's not all up to you. Ask what torah wants to come down this year; then listen."
So my prayer is: "פתח לבי בתורתך: Open my heart to/by means of Yr instruction..."
Followed by the hardest thing: waiting in faith that the instruction will come, and I will hear.
Wishing us all good dreams. Good night.