...because the laptop freeze-ups seem to happen later at night; and also because I need a break from the kitchen.
I am astonished at the quantity of small crud that accumulates over the course of a year, even though I keep the kitchen and the house pretty clean. Even more, I see how the kitchen holds the many things I needed and used when three, then two, of us lived here, augmented by a constant stream of students, helpers and visitors. And two cats. We moved into this house right when the furor and worry over the possible conseqences of Y2K were at their height. We laid in a 50 lb. sack of brown rice, a shelf of non-refrigerated tofu, a commode, a Coleman camper stove, a kettle, canned goods, candles...
We did eventually finish the rice, the tofu, the canned goods. The kettle and Coleman stove still live in our garage. The commode moved on;the candles melted.
But the habit of laying in a stock of edibles, in case of an army of visitors or a prolonged disaster, had taken hold. I run up against it every year as I clean for Pesach. I still buy things when they are on sale and store them for just-in-case. What proportion do I want to give to the BCAP pantry, or the homeless shelter? do I want to save some in the garage (selling it for the duration of Pesach, of course,) or do I want to actually remove it and donate it? It is taking me longer than I imagined to re-accustom myself to this one-person household, where I do not have to have food on hand in case several people dropped in unexpectedly for some meal during the week, or got snowed in for days (which actually happened.)
In the meanwhile, I am scrubbing or storing , in preparation for Pesach, all those utensils once needed for a household in which a lot of cooking happened.
I discover that cushioning myself with food or with objects becomes less and less tenable, and certainly less satisfying. What/who I really want will not come again in this lifetime.
My heart hurts; I am grateful for all that has been; and I return to the kashering of the kitchen.
A blessed good night.