Journal entry by Eve Ilsen — 27 minutes ago
I know that it may not stay---after all, this is Boulder---but Winter is surely here today: it is cold.
My back office, where I have relocated the laptop, where the printouts of earlier CaringBridge entries live, where my watercolors and paper and guitar wait for me to pick them up, seems to be the coldest room in the house. Tonight I am wrapped in a shawl; tomorrow, I may bring a hat and fingerless gloves as well.
It has been a day of wild extremes. At a group meeting earlier in the day, I was vehement about never wanting to have dealings with a particular person whom I find toxic. This evening, in a group spiritual practice, I got very clear instructions to not allow those feelings to stay in me long: they are toxic to me; and to send impersonal loving-kindness to this person. Oh, how embarrassing: I should've known that from the beginning. But I didn't; so I'm glad the instruction came so soon after.
It was very much what Zalman would have said. He would typically maintain eqanimity and broader perspective while I was reacting emotionally-not-always-wisely.
So I hear that I have come to a certain integration of our tendencies. I began to do the practice of Metta on behalf of this other person: "May she be peaceful, may she be happy; may she be free of suffering and the causes of suffering..." then my own unorthodox coda: "And may she not cause suffering to others..."
I wish us all a deeply peaceful shabbos. Good night.