Journal entry by Eve Ilsen — 58 minutes ago
So just as I was fleeing nightly back to CaringBridge while slowly getting used to the blogsite at Squarespace, CaringBridge suddenly changed its format too!
Now I am completely disoriented. At first I could not find the place where all those beautiful photographs, records of donations, messages, etc. were filed. I shot off a desperate email, and received the reply to look under "well-wishes" or something like that. I did, and everything was still there. I heaved a huge and tremulous sigh of relief.
But boy, I certainly am getting booted in the rear to move into the next space---Squarespace, to be exact---and into new and unfurnished spaces in my head. Yarrrrghh!
It really does feel a little like being suspended in space. Trying to hold myself up in the air will not be useful. Floating and allowing myself to be disoriented might be.
I don't think I had fully realized the extent to which visual/spatial cues were anchors for mental functioning---at least for me. This simple change, on CaringBridge, of the visual page makes me feel like suddenly I am in a foreign country without Frommer's guide, a map, or the language.
And while all this is going on, I received a letter (a real one! on paper!) from my writer friend in Washington state, urging me to choose the time when I might come out so that we might work togther to bring this two years' work into form as a book.
I do realize that it is time, it is ripe, and the disorienting change of format is noodging me into the next phase. And I am nervous: am I ready to lose your cyber-companionship? Absolutely not!
But that means we will all have to learn to navigate <evesblog> on Squarespace. Oy, and just as Netanel is heading East for three months!
Everything is changing, and everything is telling me that: my body is shifting into another phase--- it is wanting more movement; my mind is actually itching to write more; my feelings are all in a jumble---roiling chaos; and my meditation is worth bupkes.
The Universe seems to be coming to my aid: just as Netanel is preparing to leave for three months, an acquaintance from Israel is needing a room for a month.
And---the other night I checked out youtube sessions of Zalman talking about Spiritual Eldering, to send to an interested friend. The first one I clicked on was an early interview with Jeff Mishlove. This was the face I first fell in love with; G-d, was he handsome! Then I clicked on another talk on Eldering that was more recent---oh, yes; he was paler, and worn, and shaggy, and disheveled. Definitely, for many years already, he had won the right to run with the real rabbi(t)s.
And I loved this older shabbier version of the one with whom I had first fallen in love with an intensity and fullness that was, if anything, deeper and even more fierce than at the beginning when my hair was still black and his energy was like a golden net.