Journal entry by Eve Ilsen — 26 minutes ago
I'd been crying on-and-off all day; I didn't know exactly why.
I received a wonderful and nourishing call from Yotam, who can manage to hold a conversation while bicycling up and down ten miles from work (!). Also one from my daughter-in-law Marcia. And from my friend K, my friend R, my friend A.
Janat, who helps keep my office from total disaster, came today. Mary too, who is helping rearrange everything, like the telephone service provider. I treasure her capacity to continue functioning well. Me, I was useless today.
I visited Zalman's grave just at dusk and moonrise. The impact of it being his birthday hit me full on, and I sat there and sobbed. There were deer nearby, and people waking their dogs a bit farther away---so I wasn't alone.
But the only one I wanted to be with is no longer above ground.
I couldn't face coming home and cooking, so I went to the Indian restaurant for temporary comfort; possibly my body may forgive me.
One truly nourishing thing I did today was to hang one of the two paintings that Netanel left here: the superb madonna standing, as it were, in a mandorla---rising from behind her, what looks like leaves of aloe vera or maguey.
Yes, I know that this is not what you usually expect to find hanging in the rebbe's house. But this was not the usual rebbe, nor I the usual rebbetzin. Netanel's madonna is contemplative, beautiful, slightly sorrowful; I am honored to provide her even this temporary place, where she is so perfectly framed.