Where did the day go?

I know I was doing good and necessary things all day, and now I am so very ready for sleep that I cannot remember any of them.

I am very ready to prepare for shabbat: some cleaning, some cooking, some tying up of loose ends, some slowing down.

I am slowly preparing, internally, for the surgery a week from today. I should be ready by the time the day arrives. I am grateful that a friend will be here with no other obligations. Also glad that Netanel will be here as well. There is still a lot to do to prepare, and I think there will be just enough time to do it.

Falling asleep at the keyboard, entrained by sleeping cat, whiskers twitching.

Wishing you a good night and a good shabbos.

Mrowr.

A wholly other day

Mishka the Cat is curled up on the desk by my right arm, fast asleep.

Housemate has returned, with friend; dinner together was delightful. What an interesting person.

I have continued re-visiting the mind-body techniques I used to teach others; I am rusty, but things come back quickly. Things have shifted from "Oh, holy shit! She wants me awake for this surgery???"

to "Far out... They'll block pain, and I get to be awake during the surgery!"

I must have been visited by the Spirit of Zalman, z'l, who, when he was a kid, asked for a mirror so he could see the doctor take out his tonsils.

I am enjoying revisiting the spectrum of mind-moves with which one can prepare for such things, both the classic relaxation/visualization, and the subtler, quicker imagery work of my teacher Mme. Colette, z'l.

Tomorrow, a trip to the spring for water.

I'm so lucky.

Good night.

What a day; what a night

The day began with the great gift of a friend who drove up from Denver---with a large bag of goodies. Actually, a multiplicity of gifts: the best of all being the gift of a visit with a friend. But that also included the great generosity and careful thoughtfulness of my friend, who brought bracelets which can serve me as amulets to bring her presence to mind when I need it; and an enormous collection of cd's of STORIES: what to listen to while face-down for days after surgery! What blessings.

The day ended with the yearly Christmas Eve at the Jewish Community Center: Chinese food and klezmer music. I was delighted to participate once more---my yearly opportunity to sing in Yiddish.

I am having more trouble memorizing lyrics this year, as well as more trouble seeing them.

I consider that combination really no fair, and plan to take it up with G-d.

There was also dancing, both folk and swing. My feet know the folkdances. A kind neighbor who turns out to be a really good dancer got me out on the dance floor, and I got to remember what fun this is while discovering how rusty I am.

I wanted somehow to acknowledge the yearning for Moshiach that is awakened by this season, by this holiday. The delicious band and I ended the evening with "Shnirele Perele"..."Moshiach ben David sitz ober un..." (See below)

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Oops. Seems I don’t yet know how to attach a link on this site. Go to youtube and find the group “Pharaoh’s Daughter” singing the song “Shnirele Perele”.

Mid-winter shabbos

I attended a glorious celebration of a bar mitzvah this morning, in which the bar mitzvah himself and his father were both dressed formally in their family tartan kilts.

And because it was shabbos, I was free to come home and leisurely read...The book on preparing for surgery had arrived.

In it, I began to rediscover many of the deep-relaxation mind-body techniques that I used to teach others, decades ago. How fortunate...(and how embarrassing.) It seems a lifetime ago when I was exercising my own profession, working with body-oriented therapies, then with the healing use of imagery of my teacher Mme. Colette, z'l. In the years since, much of it had gone into deep storage, dormant, emerging only when someone else presented an urgent need.

The urgent need is now my own.

I have eleven days to revivify all I once knew and bring it all back on line.

Wish me luck!

Shavu'a tov...

Ow

It has been a good day, a busy day...

Mishka is curled up on the desk at my right, asleep.

I evidently did something today that strained my back, and I feel it. I hope that it has calmed by tomorrow.

I am feeling this odd mixture of very alone---and supported by friends and by family.

I have re-entered a period of missing Zalman intensely---his loving warmth, his wise perspective, his sense of humor. His presence.

(Mishka woke and is grooming, thoroughly.)

When I start missing him, it spreads out---my mother, my adoptive father, my teacher, my friend Marsha...

I find myself wishing that, like in the recent film "Coco", even if it were only once a year, and then only for a day, I could cross the marigold bridge and visit the ones I love.

I bring myself back to the present, and recall the riches of family and friendships that still remain, the rehearsal of klezmer music tomorrow night, the early minyan I hope to attend...Mishka the cat sleeping on her back, a proprietary paw on my arm as I type.

Blessings. Good night.

Klez

Mishka is curled on her side on the desk, pushing a paw against my arm in a yawn.

The delight of the day was a rehearsal of two songs for this coming Monday night's "Klezmania!" concert at the JCC; it has become a Boulder tradition for Christmas Eve.

Then groceries, cat food, piles of mail, discovering I was too late for a meeting so ending up at the Boulder Book Store instead. On my way out, a brave young busker on the Mall was offering to compose poems for people on the spot, in return for a fair donation. How brave. Also brave enough to suggest that my donation was somewhat paltry, and to give me a chance to remedy my mistake. I cannot remember the spontaneous poem, but I certainly remember her poise and her guts.

I am falling asleep at the keyboard. More tomorrow.

G'night...

Mishka

...the Cat is giving herself a bath next to the laptop.

Perhaps she is a closet mystic, and prefers to spend her nights alone downstairs meditating, figuring that she has done enough care-of-her-person during the day by stationing herself close to the laptop and purring.

I have spent the day trying to make some order amidst the copious chaos of my desk. No discernable results so far. Tomorrow I will continue, and will also go to a rehearsal for the upcoming Christmas Eve Klezmer concert.

A cauliflower sits in the refrigerator just waiting to be made into a creamy cauliflower-cheddar bisque tomorrow. Messes abound all over the house, begging to be set straight before the eye surgery.

The richest event of the day was a phone session with an acquaintance from long ago, ranging over the years-in-between and our multi-layered current realities: a real gift.

I am finding that the more I admit out loud that the prospect of the eye surgery scares me, the more the fear quiets just a little bit.

I am so grateful for all the offers of friendship, help, soup, prayer.

Blessings. Sweet dreams.

Purr

It was a decent day of work.

Then this evening, a concert with a friend: Sue Coffee and Sound Circle have always given choral concerts that touch the heart as well as the ear, and that somehow build community; such a blessing.

My friend Shira and I followed this by a lovely Indian dinner---and that may be the last for a while.

I have been eating very lightly, and my system is voicing some objections to the change.

Mishka has been curled up by my arm for some time, napping contentedly.

Offers of help and encouragement from friends have arrived, and are much appreciated.

I am tired enough to actually (uncharacteristically) want to close up now and go early to sleep.

I hear the voice of my beloved, so well-remembered, urging me to come upstairs to bed.

Good night.